Once upon a time, there was a boy called Me. Me had two friends who, for the purpose of this story, were girls. Writing was pretty and nice. A typical ‘good girl’, while Internet was hip and nasty, a cliché ‘bad girl’. She had all the latest gadgets.
Writing and Internet were both in love with Me, and attempted to be his girlfriend (There was also a girl called Music, but she talked too much. When Me was busy, he would ignore her. She isn’t important). Me knew that Writing and Internet loved him. He also knew that if he dated one, he would ruin the relationship with the other. So, he ignored the flirts, and tried to remain friends. But deep down, Me knew that he loved Writing. (He also loved Internet, but not nearly as much).
Me and Writing would hang out constantly – at least once a day. They would visit awesome places, such as the Himalayas and Greece. They would do awesome things*.
Internet knew that Me and Writing hung out a lot, and she was jealous. She would wait for Writing and Me to spend time together, then “accidentally” run into him, or call him when he was with Writing.
“Oh, Me!” She would say. “What a lovely surprise! Hey, have you seen this new Facebook application**? And did you know that you have five new emails? And your best friend is on MSN!”
Me would be distracted by Internet’s things. He would read his emails, and talk to his friend on MSN. He would long to get back to Writing, but he had to see what people were saying on Facebook…
Writing would be sad, because she knew that Me would spend time with Internet – hours if possible. Then he would say “Oh, look at the time! I’ve got to go do homework! Have a shower! Watch the latest Criminal Minds episode! Go to bed!” He would run off, leaving Writing and Internet alone. Internet would pull a face at Writing, and run off to download the next newest things that she could entice Me with.
One day, Writing decided enough was enough. When she and Me got together to hang out, she said: “Me, I’m not happy with you and Internet spending so much time together! You’re supposed to be hanging out with me! Not her. She’s trying to break us up!”
“You’re right,” said Me. “She is trying to break us up! But what can I do?”
“You could try not talking to her?” Writing suggested.
“Yeah! You’re right!” Me said.
Suddenly, Internet came running up. “Me!” she cried. “Fancy meeting you here! Guess what? On Facebook-”
“Sorry, Internet.” Me interrupted. “I’m busy at the moment. I’m hanging out with Writing. Can it wait, please?”
Internet was silent. She didn’t know what to say. With a sob, she ran off crying.
“You did the write*** thing,” Writing said.
“I know,” said Me. “But I still feel bad… Still, I guess she’ll forgive me when I see what’s on Facebook.”
Writing gave Me a big hug. “I love you. Please don’t ever leave me for that horrid Internet ever again.”
Me returned her hug. “Don’t worry. I’m stronger now. I won’t ever let her interrupt us again.”
“Thank you,” she said. “Now, where were we?*”
* This is a purely innocent tale. Get your mind out of the gutter.
** Me doesn’t actually like Facebook apps. They’re too time wasting. He ignores them.
*** Geddit? Write? Right? Hahaha.